Equanimity in Setbacks

Equanimity is my word of the year for 2023 and I sure have had a chance to practice it lately. Quick refresher on the definition:

I have a visualization for equanimity that is a tall, solid tree in a fierce wind storm. The outside stress of the wind is bending the tops of the tree. The tree is visually swaying with and resisting the force of the wind. Yet it remains steadfast and grounded by its strong, deep roots in the earth. Roots that have been tended to in times of calm to prepare it to withstand the inevitable storm.

And boy did that storm come for me. 

The specific circumstances don’t matter, but generally life has not been smooth sailing lately. Nothing catastrophic, just those nagging things that life brings:

  • Schedule too full (even with good, fun things)
  • Learning curves
  • Challenging relationships
  • Rain (and other bad weather)
  • Work demands
  • Medical appointments

How these nagging things came together to create chaos for me will surely look different for you, but the resulting feelings are what might be more familiar.

I wanted to just crawl in bed and pull up the covers. I felt like a failure because I could not get everything (or anything) done that I had planned. It felt like everything I had been working on would suffer from this setback. 

Have you ever felt this way? Are you feeling this way right now? It was like complete overstimulation on life. It was neither sustainable nor productive, which is the signal for me that adjustments needed to be made. 

These adjustments took on two different views. This was not a case where I needed to work on habit change so that in six months I would feel less pressure. I needed immediate relief too. Luckily I have this snazzy word of the year to lean on. 

Short Term Adjustments

The first thing I did was triage and made adjustments to the plans for that weekend. Basically I cleared the decks. Cancelled two activities and modified a third to not have to leave the house. The only chores I got done were the truly necessary ones. 

I want to acknowledge that I am really privileged to be able to do this. I did not have work on these days, and I did not have kids depending on me. The lesson that we might be able expand on though is that if we as adults are feeling this burnout, I wonder if our kids are too? If we are feeling overwhelmed at work, maybe our co workers would appreciate a softer foot on the gas pedal too?

This short term fix helped restore some equanimity but I still needed to do more work. 

Mid Term Adjustments

A major part of my spin out was being overcommitted. The adjustment I needed to make was not a fun one. I had to reschedule somethings, cancel others, and not take on some really fun things that I wanted to. Inevitably, I disappointed people, which of course made me feel badly. I am working on reframing this – I would rather disappoint you than make myself sick with overcommitment. People who really care about me will understand.

I sure want to be the person who can fit ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag and skip happily though life but I am not. Living life in reality vs. fantasy is what will make my choices sustainable. 

Dance with the one that brung ya, am I right?!

Life will continue to keep coming and while I am through this particular patch of overwhelm, it will happen again. This is what life is made of. There is a such thing as good stress. Science calls it eustress. Having a baby is a good kind of stress. Getting married is eustress. We don’t want to live a bland life without any stimulation. Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Zen Buddhist spiritual leader, has said (and had a book with this title, “No mud, no lotus.” Without suffering through the mud, you cannot find the happiness of the lotus. Without grit, there is no pearl.

I want the pearl and the lotus. And I know that to do that – and be able to enjoy it when I have it – I need to feed my roots to create a life that is Sustainably Productive. To go back to my equanimity visualization, I need to accept where I am and feed the roots to be able to withstand the future storms.

Sustainable You Reflections

  1. Write down the last time or two where you wished for a snow day to cancel plans or that you could just hide from your schedule. How would it have felt to have a chunk of time freed up for you?
  2. Looking at your calendar for the next week or month, what 1-2 things can you cancel or reschedule to create that space?
  3. Take a 30-day reprieve from taking on new things. No new classes, dinner dates, travel, etc. 

Let’s check in. How are you doing? No, like really – how are you? You can reach me at Susan@SustainableSue.com or find me on Instagram or Facebook. 

Until next time remember to create productive results in a way that you can sustain and that sustain YOU.

By |2023-02-28T08:14:29-05:00March 14th, 2023|Sustainable Productivity|0 Comments
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Stress, Evolution, and Burnout

Stress has always been a part of our lives – since the beginning of time. How we have handled it has changed, leading us to the breaking point we live in today. The pace of life is no longer sustainable and we are avoiding addressing the elephant in the living room – our response to the pressure. Stressors will never go away, the problem is in how we manage it. In this episode you will learn about how stress affected our ancestors and how it affects us today then you can learn a few tips and tricks for coping with stressors that will inevitably come into our lives.

Links mentioned in the stress and Sustainable Productivity episode:

    By |2023-02-09T16:12:49-05:00February 10th, 2023|Show Notes|0 Comments
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    Crafts Make You Calm

    The headline is true – crafts can make you calm. In fact, not only do crafts make you calm, but hobbies in general are good for your health! Let’s discuss.

    When life is unsustainable

    Burnout is a real thing. It is not something you can manage through or toughen up against. Think about what is happening in your life right now. Maybe you feel like you are withdrawing from friends and responsibilities – isolating yourself. Or after months of battling stress at work, you find yourself procrastinating on completing projects and tasks. Are you going in late or leaving early? In general are you short tempered with those around you at work and / or home?

    But there is a difference between stress and burnout. Think of stress as overwhelm and burnout as a drain. Stress is the piling on. Demands on you may look like taking care of kids and parents or covering another person’s job during a hiring freeze. Or the pressure of weeks of daily carpooling that never lets you have a moment to yourself. With stress, you still feel there is hope to find a system, route, or process that can improve things.

    Burnout, on the other hand, is empty of that hope. It is the drain of mental exhaustion. Often people who are burned out don’t always notice when it happens.

    Here is a snapshot of the differences between stress and burnout:

    Crafts make you calm, help deal with burnout

    Source: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/burnout-prevention-and-recovery.htm

    The good news is that hobbies can aid recovery from both stress and burnout. Let me show you how.

    How hobbies make for sustainable productivity

    It does not have to be crafts that make you calm. Maybe it is music or gardening or coin collecting or movies. Let’s define hobbies as small pockets of respite where you can literally heal and restore your mental and physical self. When you partake in a hobby of any kind, you are improving various aspects of your mental well-being. Here are just a few:

    • Higher levels of positive psycho-social states
    • Increased life satisfaction
    • Improved life engagement
    • Better quality of sleep
    • Enhanced exercise outcomes

    I hear what you are saying – you don’t have time for a hobby. But consider me your wise older sister as I bluntly ask you this: Sure, but do you have time for the illness that all that stress is going to cause you?

    Because that is where too much stress and too little leisure will take you. Here are some of the ways hobbies can impact your physical well-being:

    • Lower blood pressure
    • Reduce total cortisol
    • Smaller waist circumference
    • Decreased body mass index

    Taking up a hobby does not have to be a huge investment of time and money. If you want to pick up a potentially life saving hobby, keep reading.

    Where to go from here

     Here are three suggestions of where you can start today.

    1. Start small. Make a list of what you might like to do. A simple list on the notes app on your phone will do. If you see your neighbor rolling out for a bike ride, and you think that might be fun, add it to the list. While sitting in your car during your child is at dance lessons, you see a notice for an adult dance class. If this sounds interesting, add it to your list. You don’t have to sign up, just make your list.
    2. Notice what you notice. I believe the universe (God, your Higher Power, whatever name you choose), will put things in your path to make good decisions easier. If you see guitar lessons advertised three different places maybe that is something that you should pay attention to. If you get invited to a Zoom painting class with your girlfriends right after you put “Learn to paint” on your list, it is not a coincidence. Notice what you start to notice. And notice how it makes you feel.
    3. Take stock of what you already have. I had a client who started taking online piano lessons because her kids’ abandoned keyboard was sitting in the corner of the living room. She had been frustrated for years at their lack of playing and considered the keyboard clutter. When we were exploring what she might like to do for a hobby, music kept coming up. I could see the light bulb go on when she realized the “junk” in the corner was actually useful! Look around – there are probably art supplies, fabric leftovers, sporting goods, random canned goods you could make into a creative recipe, and more.

    Take time to notice and make your list. Let me know how it goes. We can connect on social media or in the comments below to celebrate successes or trouble shoot where you might be stuck. Let’s work together on creating a life you don’t need to escape.

     

    By |2020-09-27T13:46:06-04:00September 29th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments
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