Secret Daughter – Shilpi Somaya Gowda
Rating: I would rate it 3.5 stars if I could.
Cliff Notes: I loved all of the Indian culture present in this book. The author did a great job describing it in great detail. The themes of motherhood and what that means for women really struck a chord with me, making it hard to read at times.
Full Summary: I don’t think this is spoiler-ish at all, but read the review at your own risk. Somer could not have kids and struggled with that infertility and what it meant about her as a woman. It really struck a chord with me as I have had these same thoughts. Not that I struggled with infertility, but as a woman who does not have biological children of her own.
![Shilpi Somaya Gowda Secret Daughter](https://sustainablesue.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/8545327.jpg)
Throughout evolution, one of the main “purposes” for women is to procreate, to carry children, nurture them, work with other women to foster a community in which to raise the children. This is not my jam. I am about as nurturing as a porcupine, although it has gotten a bit “easier” as the kids have gotten older. Teenagers don’t really want to cuddle – they actually don’t even want to be on the same level of the house with us. I put “easier” in quotes because let’s be honest – the bigger the kid the bigger the problems. We certainly have had our fair share. But I am specifically talking about my ability to be maternal and nurturing. Or not be maternal and nurturing, as it were.
When I first became a step mother and we made the choice to not have children of our own, I did struggle with the idea that I had no purpose as a woman if I was not going to have my own kids. What was broken in me that I did not long for that? Over time I have come to see different ways. I can make a difference in the lives of kids – my nieces or my step kids. Friends’ kids and such. Not everyone needs to birth kids in order to make an impact in their lives. Nurturing can look many different ways.