Mental health is just as important as physical fitness. There are two sides to mental health, and both are equally important: what weighs heavily on your mind and what puts wind in your sails.

Many of us share common mental stressors – time, money, work, emotions, and relationships. Ironically it can be too little or too much of each of these that causes stress. While we are never going to eliminate stress, we can address what do we do to manage it and its affect on our health.

As many humans as exist in the world, there exists as many combinations of answers to mental health concerns. For most diagnosis, medication and talk therapy has been proven to be the best practice. I am not trained as a mental health professional in any way. The information provided here is simply to be a resource for conversations about what has worked to help manage the stressors above to bring joy and lightness to my life and to hear what works for other. To make the daily grind something not just palatable, but something we can look forward too. Some of these ideas might be meditation, learning, or hobbies.

Survival Mode – Three Things to Know

I am in survival mode. I know many of you are also.

Parents stuck with no good back to school option are in survival mode. Workers being required to return to an office they are not really sure is a safe option are in survival mode.

I am in survival mode as I am hundreds of miles from home taking care of a family medical emergency, while I am job hunting and getting ready to take my oldest to college in the middle of a pandemic.

No one’s survival mode is better or worse. I describe survival mode as the season where you do just enough to get by – there is no threshold to pass to get into or out of it. You want to just hide under the covers, but someone has to run the asylum. But when that someone is you, there are three things you can do to streamline the basics to keep the ship afloat without completely debilitating yourself. This idea is based on the “Three D’s” that are presented in the Sorta Awesome podcast 253. I have modified my tool from “3 D’s” to MAD. The acronym cracks me up because when I am in survival mode, I tend to feel a little mad. Mad like manic. OK, sometimes mad like angry too. Survival mode is tough. Maybe this tool can help soften those edges for you too.

Meals

This first part of the tool for survival mode is M for meals. If I have a loose meal plan and know the groceries are on hand, I do not need to think about it and can move on to something more important. The converse of this is when it has been a rough day already and when it comes time to make the baked spaghetti and there IS NO SPAGHETTI IN THE HOUSE. Tears have been shed at times like these.

Having a meal plan removes a lot of uncertainty. Keep it broad and easy – sandwiches, pasta, pizzas on the grill, etc. Simple, quick, and bonus points for meals that allow for leftovers you can heat up for lunch.

Survival Mode

Acknowledgement

Next is A for acknowledgement. Don’t pretend this is business as usual. Denying this is a survival mode season will blow up in your face. Call it what it is and try to roll with the chaos. What this looks like for me is that while I am away from home, I have let go of 90% of my exercise routine. Yes, it is an important part of my life, but in survival mode while I cannot leave the house on my own schedule (or sometimes at all), it has fallen by the wayside. Instead of beating myself up over it, I acknowledge it is survival mode season and move on.

Dishes

The third part is D for dishes, specifically the dishwasher. As part of my normal time nightly routine, I clean the kitchen. I know Tomorrow Susan feels more serene starting her day with clean counters. The minimum viable product of a clean kitchen is clean dishes so during survival mode I just make sure I run the dishwasher before bed. If we have a doctor appointment to get to, there might not be time in the morning to clean up the kitchen.  If something goes wrong in the night and we don’t get a lot of sleep, it is easier to continue with the day if cleaning the dishes out of the way.

Survival Mode

This is not my kitchen, but it is the clean surface look I love to close the day with.

If you are in survival mode and still trying to do it all, I invite you to download the Sustainability Checklist. It will walk you through some suggestions about what you might need to drop off the list for now – or for always!

By |2020-08-10T20:28:41-04:00August 11th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Gardening and Sustainability

Gardening and sustainability – its not just for the planet, gardening and sustainability are good for the soul in a variety of ways. Let me explain, and you might find you want to try it in an effort to create a sustainable you.

Mental Well-being

In general hobbies are good for improving your mental well-being. Over the years, researchers have documented numerous benefits of hobbies such as:

  • Reduced stress
  • Less depression and low mood
  • Increased happiness and relaxation
  • Improved communication
  • Enhanced relationships

There is more to life than work and sleep. If you are in a relationship, having hobbies on your own can offer a chance for you to break away to learn something new, then be excited to come home to tell your partner about the experience. Participating in hobbies with your partner can also be a different option to just vegging out on the couch. 

Gardening and Sustainability

Bixby at a recent cooking class we took together. It was great to change routine, learn knife skills from a professional chef, and eat the delicious creations we made in class.

 
But wait! There is more. Let’s peel another layer off of this onion.

Specifically My Mental Well-being

One of my hobbies is gardening. I have others, but I want to drill down into this one. I am not a great gardener, but I just love to get my hands in the dirt. I feel so accomplished when I leave an overgrown spot with a bin full of weeds and an open garden space with only what I love left in the dirt. 
 
 
This is not just a placebo effect or vitamin D benefits. Turns out there are microbes in the soil that have a similar impact to your brain as do anti-depressants. There is scientific evidence that microbes in dirt boost serotonin in your blood system. Seratonin is a mood elevating hormone. 
 
So while gardening is good exercise and creates a beautiful environment, it also has been scientifically proven to enhance your mental well-being. What a hobby! But there is more, let’s keep digging (pun intended). 
 
In project management we have a tool called the 5 Why’s. Don’t just look on the surface then move on assuming you covered it all. Let’s go one step more in this example about gardening and sustainability. 

Specifically Healing My Mental Well-being

As I write this I am at my dad’s house in Indiana helping him recover from a total knee replacement surgery. The last time I was here was when my mom died in January. Because of grief and a pesky pandemic, none of her stuff has been cleared out. It is like she went to the store and will be right back.
 
Including her gardens. My mom was a Gold-Level Master Gardener and honestly, a wizard with plants. It has been healing to putter around in her natural world pulling a weed here, staking a plant there. I talk to her out there. This is sustainability for me – more than just saving the planet. Saving my soul.
 
Gardening and sustainability

Scene from my mom’s garden. 

 
That is the power of habits. They can be as simple as a small hobby that gets you out of the house and boosts your mood or it can be a generational gift that supports your grief. What hobby do you have? Is there something you have been meaning to try or pick up that would be a good distraction for you? 
 

By |2023-02-14T07:40:18-05:00August 4th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Responding to Frustrations, part 2

Yesterday was part 1 of this post about responding to frustration. We got all the way to the solution, and I made you wait until today for the solution. Frustrating, wasn’t it?! See what I did there?!

To refresh your memory, life has been giving me lemons lately. Three kind of lemons – annoying ones, unfair ones, and growth ones. But life has also given me a solution. That is what I want to share with you today.

No less that three times in the last week has the Serenity Prayer been brought to my attention. This is so appropriate because frustration makes you feel like you have no control over your own life. In each of the scenarios above, I was completely not in control over any of it.

Solutions Synchronicity

Long version of the Serenity Prayer
Did you know there is a long version to the Serenity Prayer? We all know the original:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.
But there is more!
Serenity in the face of frustration
Serenity Prayer Ambassador
Last week I had to actually enter a store for the first time in awhile. I was already not excited about it, but was masked up and ready. The person in front of me at the checkout was extremely rude to the cashier. Like the kind of rude where you are kind of embarrassed for the person acting out like a child. After they were done berating the clerk and stomped off in a huff, it was my turn to check out. I tried to connect with the clerk by smiling with my eyes since my mouth was covered. I finally just commented that I thought she handled it really well and I was impressed with her poise. She just said, “We have to accept that which we cannot change, right?”
Yep, great reminder!
Harry Potter and the Sacred Text podcast
Then of course, this podcast came up in my feed after I finished Chapter 9: Grim Defeat. Boom, accept the things we cannot change.
Any of these Serenity Prayer encounters by themselves would probably have just rolled out of my brain unconsciously. The fact that they came right after each other in quick succession – specifically when I needed them – is amazing. THAT is synchronicity. While learning the lesson feels hard, and frustrating, the answer to the lesson is often presented to us at the same time if we just listen.
Let me hear from you. What frustrations are you encountering these days? Is there synchronicity that is happening in your life?
By |2020-07-27T13:07:17-04:00July 29th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Responding to Frustration

Let’s talk about frustration. Ugh, I know – more feelings?! It cannot be helped – this topic found me. As an avid reader, I often use books as an escape, buffer, or avoidance tool. What better time to continue re-reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban than when I am supposed to be finding a new job?! This time through the books I am reading one chapter at a time and following each reading with the corresponding chapter from the Harry Potter and the Sacred Text (HPST) podcast. I wrote more about this in a post in late 2019.
Harry Potter and the Sacred Text
So there I was, minding my own business reading about Sirius Black when the topic of frustration is introduced by HPST. Casper and Vanessa introduced the idea that perhaps there are different types of frustration. I can definitely cosign this hypothesis because I feel like I have encountered numerous instances of each type in the last few weeks. It is like once you are aware of something you see it everywhere. Remember synchronicity from last week? Let’s take a look at each type of frustration in turn, then see how synchronicity brought a solution as well!

Three Types of Frustration

Annoyance

These are the dumb little things that happen all day long that are a bother, but generally inconsequential. The example Casper uses in the HPST podcast is when the door sign reads, “Pull,” and he pushes. Annoying frustration. I do this ALL THE TIME, but I generally laugh because it makes me think of one of my favorite Far Side cartoons.

Source: www.2ndfirstlook.com

Here are a few annoyances that tend to be more frustrating than funny for me.
  • Bixby making up nonsense songs to the dog first thing in the morning.
  • Going to the garden shed in the back yard, but forgetting the key that is hanging in the house.
  • Learning a new online password tool and needing to update all of websites I visit.
  • Half of the Tupperware in our drawer not having matched lids.
Individually none of these items would cause a ripple in the day. They are just annoyances. Sort of like operational gnats in the functioning of my day. No big deal. Let’s look at the second type.

Injustice/Unfairness

Bixby and I have been on lock down since mid-March when COVID really took America by force. I am a rule follower and Bixby is a scientist and data nerd so we are heeding the science behind social distancing and masking up when we absolutely need to leave the house (i.e., to pick up groceries from curbside service). On the other hand, our teenagers seem to be COVID-denyers and decided to stay at their mom’s house for the duration of the pandemic (whatever that means). I have lots of feelings about this, but this isn’t even the frustrating part.

I was running a low grade fever for multiple days. Sore throat, crazy headaches, and intense fatigue? Check, check, and check. I registered online to get my drive through test at CVS and seethed at the injustice for the 2 days I had to wait for my appointment.

  • I am the one who cancelled by mom’s Celebration of Life because we were not supposed to gather in groups.
  • Yet, I see friends getting together for exercise, parties, and vacations.
  • I am the one who missed a visit with my nieces because social distancing was too much.
  • Yet, my kids are running amok with friends across NC and the surrounding states.
And I am the one who gets COVID?!
Please hear me – I would not wish this disease on anyone. My frustration is that I am following the rules and yet get sick anyway. It makes me want to stomp my feet and yell, “IT’S NOT FAIR!”
PS – COVID test is negative. Plain old summer virus for me. I am feeling much better and am back to exercise this week. It’s still frustrating though. Onto our third – and most challenging – type of frustration.
Invitations to Growth
Sweet Jesus, I do not want anymore character building. Most people would say I have enough character! My dad used to say, “If it won’t kill you, it will make you stronger. It’s that death part you have to worry about.” He was usually saying this as he was timing me in agility drills between summers of college basketball and I was sucking wind, bent over holding my knees between sets. At my former job, we sometimes referred to these as AFGOs (Another Fucking Growth Opportunity).
The problem with all of this is that it is all true – my character came from all those AFGOs I didn’t die from. But it is so painful to walk through. Frustration that leads to growth can often cause anger, interruptions to routine, and for me, tears.
I am married to a wonderful man (despite his made up songs while I want silence), but I sure did kiss a lot of frogs in my 20’s. When those relationships came to an end, I thought my heart was shattered forever. I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with me. While I don’t believe there is only one person for each of us, I do know Bixby is by FAR a better match than anyone before.

A great partner on the other side of years of dating frustration.

Pre-COVID when we used to go out to dinner.

But it was work to get to a point in my life where I wanted to be a good partner, not just to avoid being alone. I had to be a whole person going into a relationship, not just hoping someone would make up for my deficits.
So while all of these opportunities (and more) have come my way recently, the Universe also sends the solution my way. I am going to share what that was tomorrow so stay tuned!
_____
PS – I am aware of how, um, problematic JK Rowling has become. I 100% believe #TransLivesMatter and fully disagree with JK Rowlings views. I believe I am able to separate the author and her transphobic hate speech from the HP books. What I am a fan of today is the analysis that the HPST podcasters provide – more so than even the books themselves. You can read more about their perspective on JK Rowling’s abuse of her platform on HPST episode, “Owl Post Edition: J.K. Rowling and Transphobia with Jackson Bird” and on this written post.
By |2020-07-27T13:00:22-04:00July 28th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Self-Soothing or Self-Care

When does self-care become self-soothing? The phrase “self-care” seems to have morphed into a catch phrase and punch line these days. Is a glass (or bottle) of wine after a tough day really self-care? Are you really taking good care of your colleagues by bringing a couple dozen donuts to the office? How is pending a holiday with your family knowing you have to spend 2 weeks holed up to recover from it self-care?

Distinction between self-soothing and self-care

Part of making the distinction between self-soothing and self-care is that self-care allows you space to be uncomfortable. I will even go so far as to suggest it forces you into choosing to sit in pain and discomfort. Let me give you an example.

Last week I got laid off. I knew it was coming and had been job searching. I had three rounds of interviews with two different companies. Although I was sad my job was ending, I was also confident that I would get one of the two I was interviewing for. I was so bold to start a mental pro and con list of which I would choose when I was offered both. 

You see what’s coming, right? 

Friday afternoon I got turned down for both jobs. I have never not gotten a job I have interviewed for – not in 46 years. Until Friday… when I lost both. Within an hour.

My first instinct was to jump on all of the job boards and apply for everything in a panic. My second instinct was to eat a whole box of Thin Mint cookies. Both of these fall squarely into the category of self-soothing. Taking action and covering my fear with sugar are often my go to strategies when I am fearful. 

Luckily, I have learned that my first instinct in these situations is often wrong. Instead I opted for self-care, to sit in my discomfort for a bit. I hopped on a call with a circle of women I trust to talk it through and listen to their wisdom. Full disclosure – I did eat 6 cookies while on that call. I am not perfect. 

Synchronicity

This morning as I sit here trying to figure out what to write on the blog, I am looking through some drafts of posts I started and never finished. And of course, there is one that talks about feeling fear and another about self-care vs. self-soothing. The universe is not subtle. The messages are there if we get quiet. I truly believe these messages are the reward for getting quiet and not numbing out. If I would have jumped into action or cookies, I would have missed the message. This is what Julia Cameron calls “synchronicity” in her book, “The Artist’s Way.”

Harry Potter and the Sacred Text

The “Harry Potter and the Sacred Text” podcast discussed Book 1, Chapter 9: The Midnight Duel from the theme of betrayal. Part of what they talked about was feeling that betrayal. Encouragement to feel the fear, the loneliness, the vulnerability. 

Harry Potter and the Sacred Text

This is not an intuitive thing for most of us in today’s world. Even the first time I typed that sentence I accidentally typed “fear the fear, the loneliness….” We want to not feel negative feelings. People tell us to snap out of it or cheer up!

But what if? 

  • What if I sat with the fear that I had about being unemployed?
  • What if I just let myself feel lonely and rejected?
  • What if I cried and howled at how scared I am? How helpless I feel with a college tuition bill pending?

This is synchronicity. How could something recorded in 2016 know exactly what I needed to hear in 2020? Because I was ready to hear it. Synchronicity is everywhere when we slow down to allow ourselves to hear it and see it. If we continually soothe ourselves into not feeling our feelings, we muffle the messages the universe is trying to send our way.  Let’s take care of the feelings instead of just smoothing over them. 

Sorta Awesome Podcast

One of my favorite podcasts has touched on this self-care vs. self soothing a few times. The original Sorta Awesome episode that planted this seed in my awareness is actually a few years old. I recommend starting here.

As a follow up, Sorta Awesome did a holiday-specific episode in 2019 that discussed seven types of self-care around the holidays. One of the resources they reference is a book about rest. Only in America do we need to be taught how to rest. Sacred Rest is a book that we can all learn from and will definitely be one that I will return to, probably receiving different messages during various seasons in my life.

7 kids of self care

You can listen to this episode anywhere you get podcasts or directly from the Sorta Awesome website by clicking on the graphic above.

What about you, Dear Reader? How does self-soothing and self-care show up in your life? 

By |2020-07-20T18:29:40-04:00July 21st, 2020|Mental Well-being|1 Comment

Staying in Touch When You Can’t Be in Touch

Isolation is a harsh reality of the pandemic – not being able to stay in touch with those we are in relationships with. Mental Well-being is one of the pillars of Sustainable Productivity and relationships are important to positive mental well-being. Therefore, I have been trying to get creative about staying in touch with those I have meaningful relationships with even though we cannot actually BE in touch.

Research has proven that if a person has a few healthy relationships, she can reap some or all of these benefits:

  • Lower rates of anxiety and depression
  • Higher self-esteem
  • Greater empathy
  • Strengthened immune system, which may even lengthen your life

But what are we to do when we are living this catch-22. I cannot experience my relationships the same way because if I do, I may pass along a virus. But if I don’t continue relationships, I could end up sick of loneliness. You and I are not the only ones trying to solve this conundrum. The Lazy Genius recently discussed this in podcast episode 158: Staying in Touch When You Can’t Touch.

I want to share with you a way I have started to get creative about my relationship with my nieces. Usually June or July includes a week of Aunt Susan camp. I am visiting them or they come to NC – sometimes both in the same year. This is what it usually looks like:

Needless to say this is not happening this year.

Instead my sister and I got creative. As you know, I love to read. And I love to read to my nieces. Although they are turning a corner away from lap sitting story time, it still means a lot to me to connect with them this way. My sister and I set up an online book club where we all read together once a week. Bonus points for keeping them reading during the summer also!

Staying in touch

Live footage from a recent meeting of our virtual book club.

Every Friday my sister and I schedule a FaceTime call, and the four of us take turns reading. Sometimes a meeting is crashed by either our husbands or our Black Labs. It is only a short session – 15 minutes at the most. But it is a dedicated time we spend together each week doing something we love. Although it is not a substitution for the in person visits we had to cancel this year, but it will do for now.

Instead of complaining about what we could not do, we are attempting to make the best of what we have.

How are you getting creative during COVID? Drop a note to share how you connect with loved ones from afar.

By |2020-07-12T17:10:42-04:00July 14th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

3 Reasons to Let Go

As we develop sustainably productive habits, there is a need to flip the coin over to look at what we need to stop doing. To let go of what is not serving us physically, mentally, and environmentally means we make room for what we want to build in our lives. 

Let’s be clear – letting go is hard. But we can do hard things. I am inspired by what Louise Smith has to say about it.

“You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are full of junk.”

Louise Smith

Today’s post will apply this idea to each of the three dimensions of sustainably productivity. 

Physical 

For many years I considered myself an endurance athlete. I raced in dozens of triathlons, half marathons and marathons. I am turtle slow, but they gave me a race bib so I call what I did racing. All the miles eventually caught up with me and running became unsustainable for my body. I had a few orthopedic surgeries. Then the doctor said if I wanted to be able to hike and walk the dog in my 80s I needed to stop running now in my 40s. 

I cried right there in the office. I did not want to let go of running. Which is so ironic considering 

1 – I am not good at it. See Team Turtle comment above.

2 – For years playing basketball, running was punishment.

3 – Running hurt.

But alas, love hurts, right? All the songs tell us that. But Tina Turner reminds us: What’s Love Got to Do With It? 

Lucky for me I was in a place in life where I was making changes towards sustainable productivity. I knew that continuing to run was not something that would be productive for me long term. That surgeon knew exactly what button to push with me.

Yes – I do want to be able to get out in nature in my 80s (and beyond!). If I needed to leave my ego and my running shoes behind to do that, I was open to it. 

Mental

Speaking of Tina Turner, have you ever been in a relationship you knew had run its course. You knew it was not good for you, but you just did not seem to leave it? We may not have an extreme version like Ike in our lives. But I bet we all have Ike-light relationships we are hanging on to because it’s hard to let go. 

Do any of these sound familiar to you:

  • A friend who is always bashing her spouse and encourages stories about frustrations with your partner. 
  • A coworker you go to lunch with regularly who has to “one up” everything you say.
  • A book club where you are the only one who actually reads the book and didn’t just come to drink wine. 

Relationships can weigh heavily on our minds, drag down our spirits, and even negatively impact our physical health. After following 10,000 subjects for 12 years, a study found that compared to subjects in healthy relationships, those in negative relationships were at a greater risk for developing cardiac issues – including fatal heart attacks.

We need to let go of relationships that do not support who we are or who we want to be. This will make space for relationships that are sustainably productive. Maybe that relationship is with yourself. 

What would happen if you ate lunch alone instead of with your needy colleague? You might read, listen to music or podcasts, or just sit and eat with no distractions. What if this is the break you needed to take your afternoons by storm. Could you finally make headway on that project that has been stalled? 

What if you surround yourself with other women who cherish their partner? Sure they still have conflict in their relationships. But they have encouraging stories about how they worked through it because they had a partner who was worth it. 

Without letting go of the relationships that are not working for you, you can’t make way for the ones that will serve you and sustain you. 

Let go

Environmental

Decluttering is always popular and it seems like this quote applies most intuitively here. If you are hanging on to your literal junk, you cannot reach for anything new. 

I have a section of my closet dedicated to my business suits. I no longer wear business suits. If I am honest, I probably no longer fit into said business suits, but am unsure because it’s been 15 pounds 10 years since I tried. 

But alas I cannot let go of these suits. As I have been cleaning out closets in our home, these suits have loomed large in my conscience. They seem to be waving at me (or flipping me the bird) when I go into my closet. I seem to be given them lots of power. 

Instead of just fabric, for me they represent moments in my career where I felt strong and in flow:

  • Job interviews
  • TV segments
  • VIP presentations 
  • Community lectures

I finally took down one suit over the weekend and channeled my inner Marie Kondo. As I took it off the hanger, I thought of all these moments of flow with fondness. I had a moment of Wizard of Oz type of clarity that the suit did not give me strength and flow to deliver on these occasions. It was in me all along. I am still here, the business suit was just a witness to it. And now it is time to allow it to witness for someone else. It is time for me to reach for something new. In order to do that I need to let go of these suits. 

Now to be clear, I was still a little sad and still have about 10 more suits in the closet. But a start was made. That is all we need to do today is start. 

What do you need to break off a little piece and let go of? Is there something in your life that you are holding tight that you might need to release? What if you just loosen the grip?

Eye of the Storm – Honor Yesterday You

Congratulations! You made it through another week! Let’s take break shall we? Last post in the Eye of the Storm series. Let’s get started. 

Today we will continue the theme of honoring yesterday you. One of my favorite ways to represent this is flower bulbs. In the fall I take the bulbs from various places:

  • Bulbs I have ordered from various catalogues
  • Transplants I dug up from around the yard to move to a better location
  • Gifts I have received from friends and neighbors

I plant them in pots and spots all over the garden. And wait.

Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas… all come and go. And we wait.

Snow, ice, Valentine’s Day come and go. And we wait.

The weather finally breaks and smidges of green start to peek out. I have no idea what it is, but I know it is pretty. I know Yesterday Me set up this moment of beauty for me to rest in.

red

This tough season will pass and brighter days are ahead. Maybe there is something you can do today as a gift for Future You. I am not talking about pushing harder today to get more accomplished for tomorrow.

What if Today You could say no to something today that would benefit Future You? If you are not sure where to start, I would love to help you. Download this Sustainability Checklist to help you figure out what is serving you or draining you. 

red tulip
By |2020-06-22T14:27:24-04:00June 23rd, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Quick Sustainable Productivity PSA

I know some of you are planners like me. I want to give a quick little PSA about sustainable productivity as we head into the weekend. Let me share a little story about last weekend.

All I wanted to do was set up the tripod and try to capture a few good snaps of the hummingbirds that visit our feeder. I was the first one awake so it was deafeningly quiet. It was a little chilly so I put on my hoodie. It was day 93 in quarantine so naturally I went outside in my pajamas. I was ready for peace and quiet…

Let’s just say Lucille’s agenda was verrrrrrry different from mine. She wanted to play ALL OF THE FETCH.

If you zoom in you can see the muddy slobber on my pajama pants from where she insisted she return the ball to my lap.

I never really got a great shot of the hummingbirds, but it was fun to watch Lucille tear around the yard living her best life. She doesn’t know that “Hummingbird Photo” has been on my to do list for 3 years. What if we listen to Lucille’s Life Lesson and had such a blatant disregard for our to do lists that we just ran amok mindlessly in love with life?

Doesn’t that sound much better than the daily grind? Sure we all have adult responsibilities, but if something has been on your list for YEARS, is it really worth getting bent out of shape about? Let’s take a minute to consider this over the weekend. If you are brave enough – cross something off that list without doing it. “Delegate to the floor” as they say in corporate America.

If you are not sure what to delegate to the floor, I invite you to download the Sustainability Checklist to see if it might shake loose some ideas for you.

By |2020-06-19T17:35:08-04:00June 19th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

New Growth

The world seems like a whole new place from when we gathered last week, doesn’t it?

Except it isn’t. Not for our Black friends and family. Black people have been painfully aware of America’s racism. They have been trying to tell us. We just have not listened.

For white people in America, we are having some growing pains. It feels tender, raw and scary, like most new growth is. Are we going to get it right all of the time? Nope. But that is ok because that means we are trying new things. Trust me – as a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser, I understand the fear. Take action anyway. It is better to take action, get it wrong, apologize, and course correct than to sit by doing what we always do.

Tender New Growth

I have a lime tree growing on my deck. When we moved it outside, it was a stark, ugly stick with just a few branches of leaves jutting out the bottom of it. I pruned what I knew to be dead wood and then sat back and watched over the next couple weeks. It was hard to look at that ugly little stick. I wanted things to look a certain way and be the perfect little gardener. I wanted it to magically be the way I want, but that is not how Nature works.

Instead I took small steps that seemed insanely inadequate.

  • I watered regularly.
  • I added compost.
  • I observed.

If I were a better gardener I may have had citrus fertilizer on hand, but I didn’t. In another time, I would have gone to buy some, but it is not essential. I did not do this perfectly.

And yet.

This week, each node is sprouting little tender growth. The way of Nature is to reward small steps. Small efforts.

New Growth

New growth on the nodes of our lime tree.

If you are looking for some solid action steps to take, I would like to offer some suggestions.

Action Steps

  • Donate to Black Lives Matter. Forget your time and supplies, it takes 90 seconds to Venmo some money. Trust the leaders in your community know where the biggest need is. Here is the donation link to donate money in my area if you are too busy to search for your area. Note: If you are too busy to search, I wonder if that would still be the case if it were your child who was murdered in the street.

Black Lives Matter

  • Join the Black Lives Matter Facebook page for your area. Then shut your mouth and really listen to what people are asking of you. This is not the time for white people to stand up and tell the world how Black people have been persecuted. Our job as white people is to make it safe for Black people to tell their story. In my area this looks like being a barrier between Black people and police at protests. In Denver, CO police are targeting medics at the rallies so a friend of mine is coordinating protection for the medics.
    • Personally, I am not attending protests yet because I am a COVID 19 high risk group. I am not asking you to protest. I am asking you to look at something on Facebook besides cat videos.
  • Check on your Black friends. This is not to ask them how you can help. You are not reaching out to help you help. You are just pulling up along side them to observe.
  • If you don’t have Black friends, have a frank conversation with yourself about why not. Then start to get educated on the Black experience. Here are some suggestions that Black leaders on social media have suggested (Translation: This is not White Sue telling you; this is what “amplifying Black voices means”):
    • Watch Just Mercy, a movie based a book by the same name. It chronicles the civil rights work of attorney Bryan Stevenson. It is FREE to watch for anyone. If you can read this post, you can watch Just Mercy.
    • Listen to 1619, a podcast series by the New York Times. It “aims to reframe the country’s history by placing the consequences of slavery and the contributions of Black Americans at the very center of our national narrative.”
    • Read How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi. Amazon is sold out of the book, but buy the Kindle version and read it on your phone. Sure it is not ideal, but stop letting being uncomfortable get in your way. Do you think it is comfortable to die in public with a 200 pound man kneeling on your neck?
  • Let go of your white guilt. By lamenting that you just did not understand before, you are still making it about you and white people. Action speaks louder than words. Now that you are aware, don’t let the sun go down on one more day without you acting like an ally. Sitting by and doing nothing is no longer sustainable for our world.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” —Maya Angelou

Accountability

If you need accountability to keep going, there are Facebook pages you can join or please consider me your accountability buddy. Check back here to tell me what actions you are taking. Go to my Facebook or Instagram and let’s start a thread there to inspire others who can’t decide on their next right thing.

By |2020-07-08T10:53:46-04:00June 9th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments
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