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Verity by Colleen Hoover

This book was SO DANG CREEPY, and I loved every second of it!

“Find what you love and let it kill you.”
Charles Bukowski

These. People. Are. Nutso.

I somewhat called the twist, but the way it played out and the ambiguity was just perfect. I did a deep dive into a Facebook page that the author started [search Verity Discussion Group]. The conversations and theories are so good. I strongly recommend joining when you finish reading this book.

I do have two points of warning:

There are some sexy times in this book. It is what is referred to as “open door romance.” If this is not your jam, you can skim past them and still have a good reading experience.
Some people cannot read about anything bad happening to kids. If this is you, avoid this book. It is not a spoiler to tell you both twin girls die. That is part revealed in the first chapter or two. But the book goes over this ground quite a bit so consider yourself warned.

You might want to borrow it from Kindle Unlimited. Currently there is a free promotion. Verity was published December 2018 so there may not be a super long wait at the library either.

If you do choose to read this, I’d love it if you would come back here and let me know what you think!

By Susan Sanders|2020-05-30T19:40:16-04:00May 30th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Eye of the Storm: (Re)considering What Brings Happiness

For years I told my husband that I did not need bouquets of flowers in order to bring me happiness.

“It’s a waste of money,” I said. “They will just end up dying.”

“A nice sensible potted plant is fine,” I said, “but flowers are silly and frivolous.”

I think the truth is I decided way back when that flowers would not bring happiness because then my feelings would not be hurt when I did not get them. This has nothing to do with Bixby – this goes back about 25 years.

Young Susan

Back in the day there was a special kind of hell called “Valentine’s Day Carnation Sale” at our junior high and high school. This was a day ear marked to make sure everyone saw me loping through the halls (keep in mind I was one of the tallest PEOPLE, not just tallest GIRLS in my grade) empty handed. At least that is what it felt like.

The pretty, petite, popular girls carried armloads of red carnations, giggling about the secret admirers and boy friends who sent them flowers. I scuttled off to the gym for basketball practice, my feelings hurt and my hands empty.

awkward teenager — Me in 7th grade. Yes the photo quality is bad, but the reality was not much better.

So I boarded up my heart and decided I did not want flowers. If I did not want them, then it was me who got what I wanted when I did not receive any. Or so I told myself. Sometimes we make up weird truths to not have hurt feelings, instead of just saying our feelings are hurt.

Today Susan

I’d rather be a hypocrite than the same person for 20 years.
Adam Yauch, Beastie Boys

I am not sure when I turned the corner to want flowers. Definitely after I was married. For sure when I was growing joy in my own garden.

Everything in this vase came from my own garden. One of my favorite times in the garden is the end of a few hours of work. There is always a sense of accomplishment:

Patch of weeds cleared out
Compost spread onto growing veggies
Newly planted flowers bringing color to a blank area
Backache that says I exerted an effort

This is when I go around with my scissors or clippers and take a small cutting of a bunch of random things. Then I bring them in and arrange them. At least arrange them like a PE major. I have seen gorgeous arrangements in garden centers by the pros, but I love mine because they are from my clumsy paws.

Better yet, someone gave me everything in the above photo.

Pampas grass from a neighbor
Iris from a friend thinning them out
Euphorbia that Ellen Ashley gave me after helping in her gorgeous garden

The cheapo in my is giddy because they were free, of course. But there is another layer. There is always another layer if you sit quietly enough. This arrangement has a story. Even the vase, which I picked up for only 50 cents. This vase is from Reconsidered Goods, a non-profit creative reuse center in Greensboro.

One of the three pillars of sustainable productivity is having a physical environment that works with you and brings you joy.

Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.
William Morris

It turns out I love having bouquets of flowers in my home. I love it even more when these flowers come from my garden. Embracing what is true has helped me to be able to improve my physical environment. This is all part of the process of creating a life that does not need to be escaped.

Look around the space you are sitting in right now. What do you love and would benefit to having more of? Could you throw out or donate something? What is keeping you from taking action on either of these things?

By Susan Sanders|2020-06-17T17:43:28-04:00May 26th, 2020|Environmental Surroundings|0 Comments

Alert! 5-star book! Alert!

Get out your library cards!

Last summer I found The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin in a Free Little Library. While I love these stumbling across every one of these bookish delights, it is rare that I find a book from my TBR. Needless to say I was super excited to grab this ditty.

I loved this book SO STINKING MUCH. I purposely slowed down so I could avoid finishing it. Now I cannot remove it from my nightstand because I cannot let it be over.

I love a crusty curmudgeon (think Ove or Britt-Marie). I love books. I love book stores. I love a sad ending. I love dry wit. THEN THIS BOOK COMBINED ALL OF THEM. I swooned.

I mean listen to this description of AJ’s feelings of love:

“… slightly intolerable bubbling inside of him. He wants to laugh out loud or punch a wall. He feels drunk or at least carbonated. Insane. At first, he thinks this is happiness, but then he determines it’s love. ‘Fucking love,’ he thinks. ‘What a bother.’ It’s completely gotten in the way of his plan to drink himself to death, to drive his business to ruin. The most annoying thing about it is that once a person gives a shit about this, he finds he has to start going a shit about everything.”
The Storied Life of AJ Fikry, p. 76

How do you not love this?! You do? Great – go get it!

Bonus – I learned a new word. Moue. Which according to Dictionary.com means, “A pouting expression used to convey annoyance or distaste.” You better believe moue will be used in a stern parental manner within the week!

Wait… why are you still reading this? Read this in a moue tone: Go get this book!

By Susan Sanders|2020-05-21T17:48:50-04:00May 21st, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Eye of the Storm – Come Back Stronger

About five years ago I had 2 orthopedic surgeries back to back and was in a boot for over 3 months. Translation: No exercise.

We sold our house, but could not settle on a new one to buy so we moved into an apartment. Translation: No gardening.

Since I could not drive because of the boot, I worked remotely for 12 weeks. From the uncomfortable rented couch while Bixby had a desk set up in our bedroom (see previous apartment woes) about 15 feet away. Translation: No alone time.

Considering all of the above we naturally thought it was the perfect time to get a puppy. Translation: No quiet.

My mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law came to the rescue with a bedside garden. This kit was really dummy proof, but I ignored that fact and really felt accomplished when this amaryllis bloomed to life.

amaryllis — The bedside garden that saved my sanity (and probably my marriage, if I am honest).

Later that year we moved into our new home. I decided to just observe the new yard for the first year to see what I was dealing with before starting to plant much. Plus there was not a lot of free time – puppies, am I right?! The amaryllis stayed on my night stand.

The next year I planted it in the yard and nothing happened. I was pretty sure I killed it. Never in my life did I think it would come back stronger. And then, though the magic of Mother Nature, the amaryllis came back with a vengeance. A glorious, rich red vengeance.

amaryllis - come back stronger — That same bedside amaryllis living her best life outside in the garden today.

I have thought of this often this year. 2020 has been difficult to say the least. But we can learn from Nature.

Growth that you are not even aware of can be happening underneath, out of sight.
There is a difference between death and dormancy.
Sometimes what shows up after that dormancy is a truer version of the original.
A season of rest will help us come back stronger.

Are you in a hard season right now? That season might be a Tuesday, COVID-19 quarantine, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, or all of these wrapped together in a neat package called 2020.

I would like to suggest you take a moment to breathe and think about a time when all seemed lost and gone only to have it flourish even better than before.

Like Fawkes in the Harry Potter series, sometimes we have to go through the ugly phase in order to rise from the ashes better than before.

Like the amaryllis in my garden, sometimes we have to be dormant for a time to come back stronger and more beautiful.

By Susan Sanders|2020-05-16T09:40:24-04:00May 19th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Eye of the Storm – The Benefit of Rituals

Happy Tuesday! Let’s take a coffee break for a moment while we rest in the eye of the storm shall we?

I made it through 2 Masters degrees without coffee. There was no new mom sleep deprivation that needed an afternoon caffeine boost; the kids were too old for afternoon naps when Bixby and I met. Diet Coke is usually my caffeine of choice.

Then Bixby and I spent a week in Seattle and BOOM – I love lattes.

coffee mug — Coffee mugs were custom made for us by LouLou Belle Pottery.

The problem is that I only like coffee from 1 or 2 places in Seattle, certain Starbucks in Greensboro, and of course – the latte Bixby makes for me. I think that is pretty much the definition of high maintenance.

The benefits of coffee are endlessly documented. I even drink it with whole milk to bump up the nutrients in a non-processed way.

But my favorite part of my coffee break is my barista. Since I am so picky, I generally only have coffee at home. When Bixby brings my coffee to me, he uses the swirls of the milk as a Rorschach test to pretend he is fancy enough to put pictures in my coffee. Read: he make shit up about the what he has swirled with the milk. And he nails it every time.

Here is Sunday’s coffee. Clearly the MSU Spartan in my coffee, right?! He is so talented.

It is such a small part of the day, but I really look forward to it. Small rituals are important to relationships. Strong relationships contribute to our mental well-being. Considering mental well-being is one of the three pillars to a sustainably productive life, this coffee break is more essential than ever!

Let’s get a refill then make it a Terrific Tuesday!

By Susan Sanders|2020-05-13T09:42:34-04:00May 12th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

How naps are saving me during COVID-19

Naps are definitely one of the things that is saving my sanity (and marriage, if I am honest) during COVID-19 Stay at Home Order. When I feel my mood, productivity, and general mojo slide, I will set the timer and get a little shut eye.

But real talk? Naps are not a new thing for me.

When I was little my ability to sleep anywhere at anytime was a family joke. I regularly fell asleep before we left the block. Once I fell asleep standing up on the front passenger floorboard of the car, hands on the dash (this was before the time of mandatory seatbelts, of course). On a family vacation I slept my way across the Canadian border, unconscious to the border agent looking into our car and everything. When I started driving I did not know how to get anywhere because I was never awake on car trips.

Let's begin by taking a smallish nap or two. AA Milne

My mom always told me, “You’re going to sleep your life away!” like it was a bad thing. Turns out, Young Susan was onto something. According to the Sleep Foundation, 85% of mammals take naps. Many of these mammals are super stars:

Winston Churchill
John F. Kennedy
Ronald Reagan
Napoleon
Albert Einstein
Thomas Edison
Susan Sanders*

*OK, the Sleep Foundation did not have me on the list, but I am a rock star mammal napper.

under bed covers — Me in my natural super star mammal napping habitat.

The benefits of napping are well documented. I have talked about naps here, and there have been more scientific looks into it as well. Not only does it make me feel less stabby, but NASA says military pilots and astronauts who napped for 40-minute improved performance by 34% and alertness 100%.

If you like more aggressive benefits, Sleep.org says napping can “zap stress.” There are lots of hormonal explanations of this that we won’t get into here. I just love the idea of a nagging stress ball being lasered away by Mister Sandman while I am burrito’d under the covers.

There are some naysayers among you. These people fall into one of 2 camps.

FOMOs. Those who are afraid they will miss out on things if they nap. My sister falls into this category. Our mom always lamented the toddler days because Sister was always popping up from naps to find out what everyone else was doing. The weird thing is that she does not seem to be able to nap or need naps. I am not sure what to say about this – doesn’t seem possible.
Nap Deniers. Those who say it isn’t possible to be refreshed in short amounts of time or sleep that night if you conk out for a couple hours in the afternoon. These people are fearful rookie nappers that should be ignored. Knox McCoy recently dissed naps in his book All Things Reconsidered. Side note – I might be overblowing his comments about naps because this was also the part of the book where he said LeBron was better than Michael Jordan so I was a little salty at the time.

Spiderman likes to nap — Source: ifunny .com

I will let those non-nappers have their moment, because I know napping is a coping mechanism for me. Like all coping mechanisms, sometimes I can abuse it. Napping to avoid cleaning the bathrooms, for example. But when used for good, a wee nap helps make any day more sustainably productive.

As a matter of fact, I think I will go do a little napping research right now! What about you? Are you team nap?

By Susan Sanders|2020-05-04T14:19:50-04:00May 7th, 2020|Health & Fitness|0 Comments

Welcome to the Eye of the Storm

In a hurricane, the eye is the place to take a breath, get a reprieve. Before the rest of the shit hits the fan. Living in a hurricane is not sustainably productive – no one can live continually in fight / flight / freeze. Eventually your body will stop you.

We cannot stop the hurricane, but we can look for the eye. We can pause in the eye. We can create more space in the eye. Not just during the hurricane that is COVID-19, but the hurricane that is life sometimes.

That is what my intention is for this weekly series. Here is my vision:

Scheduled. Posts will release on Tuesdays because as mentioned before – Tuesday sucks. This also will give us something to look forward to. According to research on happiness, people enjoy looking ahead much more than looking back. The joy of anticipation will be part of our reprieve.
Brief. Because seriously – we should be working, studying, looking for a job, washing our hands, etc. Ain’t nobody got time for a long read.
Collaborative. Together we are better. Yes, I am an introvert, but I have come to appreciate the value of having a tribe. If you have something that brightens your day, helps you stop and take a breath, or just fills your tank – send it to me!

For today, I will go first. Let’s pause in the eye, bring the breath down into our body and calm the chaos in our minds. Let’s do the needful to make a Sustainable You!

This is the phlox that is in a giant patch at the end of my driveway. It blooms for about 2 months every spring. I love it because it is like a welcoming beacon whenever we return home!

By Susan Sanders|2020-04-30T09:58:15-04:00May 5th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Tuesday Tenderness

Just wanted to drop in quickly to share this view from a recent bike ride – a little nature to soften the sting of this Tuesday. I wish I could somehow share the amazing smell of these Wisteria blooms. It was such a treat to roll under a small tunnel of them on a recent ride. I had to pull over and snap a couple pictures.

By Susan Sanders|2020-04-26T20:49:03-04:00April 28th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Spiders + Flying Cars = Sanctuary?

Like many people, focus has been hard for me lately. I have not been able to read very much during the COVID19 pandemic. Audiobooks seem to work, but there is always a long wait for me to borrow these from the library. I currently have a seven month wait for American Dirt. Waiting that long for a book isn’t what I would call productive reading.

But in the last 6 weeks or so I find myself chafing against needing to be productive all the time. This is what I love about the concept of SUSTAINABLE productivity. What is the smallest part I can do? Even if it is only not moving backwards – that is progress. It is not always hard charging forward, it is finding the next right step, however gentle it needs to be.

I have found rereading Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets to be soothing though. I started going through the series again after I found the podcast, Harry Potter and The Sacred Text. This podcast will be familiar to those of you who have been subscribers for awhile since I wrote about Book 1, Chapter 2 resonating with me last year.

Sanctuary: Aragog (Book 2, Chapter 15)

In this chapter, Harry and Ron meet Argog, the giant spider. We learn Hagrid gave Argog sanctuary in the Forbidden Forest after hatching Argog in a cupboard. But although, Argog loves Hagrid, he does not protect Harry and Ron from the other spiders and the boys make a run for it. The flying car zooms in to take the boys back to the sanctuary of Hogwarts and the Gryffindor common room. These are certainly two very different forms of sanctuary.

I love the idea of sanctuary. A place of refuge or safety. As discussed in this episode of the podcast, it is a place usually silent. A place where I can make room to hear more from the universe. Nature is a significant sanctuary for me. In the stress of isolation and social distancing, I try to spend some time outside every day. If simply being outside does not slow down my monkey mind, I look try to slow down and use my senses to engage more in my surroundings.

I see beautiful spring flowers.
I smell newly cut grass.
I feel the breeze on my face.
I taste the fresh air as I take a deep breath.
I hear the chirping birds.

lavender field — I only wish this was my yard. But it was a sanctuary for sure.
This is Jardin du Soleil – a lavender farm in Sequim, WA that we visited on vacation in 2018.

Cozy is definitely a requirement for a sanctuary for me. I need to be comfortable. Burrowed in the covers in bed is another favorite sanctuary.

I feel the softness of my flannel pajamas.
I hear the sound of Lucille snoring while she naps next to me.
I see my favorite things around my bedroom – certain books and photos, especially.

One of my favorite sanctuaries is cuddling with Lucille and a book.

Do you have a favorite sanctuary? How are you keeping your mind from spinning out? If not, how do you bring your self back when needed?

By Susan Sanders|2020-06-17T17:44:48-04:00April 26th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Soothing My Terrible Tuesdays

I know most people hate Mondays. Not me.

From the movie Office Space via SayingImages.com

On Monday I still have the buffer of coming off the weekend. It’s only been 1 day at the office, its all good!

Tuesday though. The wheels fall off for me on Tuesday. All the stored up juju from the weekend is long gone. Yet Friday is f a a a a r away.

If you have been around here for a minute, you know that nature boosts my juju. I am going to start to post a little mood booster on Tuesdays. This is where a physical environment is essential to making a life that is sustainably productive. If I have things in my space that I love and think are beautiful, it reduces stress and increases happiness!