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Responding to Frustrations, part 2

Yesterday was part 1 of this post about responding to frustration. We got all the way to the solution, and I made you wait until today for the solution. Frustrating, wasn’t it?! See what I did there?!

To refresh your memory, life has been giving me lemons lately. Three kind of lemons – annoying ones, unfair ones, and growth ones. But life has also given me a solution. That is what I want to share with you today.

No less that three times in the last week has the Serenity Prayer been brought to my attention. This is so appropriate because frustration makes you feel like you have no control over your own life. In each of the scenarios above, I was completely not in control over any of it.

Solutions Synchronicity

Long version of the Serenity Prayer

Did you know there is a long version to the Serenity Prayer? We all know the original:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.

But there is more!

Serenity Prayer Ambassador

Last week I had to actually enter a store for the first time in awhile. I was already not excited about it, but was masked up and ready. The person in front of me at the checkout was extremely rude to the cashier. Like the kind of rude where you are kind of embarrassed for the person acting out like a child. After they were done berating the clerk and stomped off in a huff, it was my turn to check out. I tried to connect with the clerk by smiling with my eyes since my mouth was covered. I finally just commented that I thought she handled it really well and I was impressed with her poise. She just said, “We have to accept that which we cannot change, right?”

Yep, great reminder!

Harry Potter and the Sacred Text podcast

Then of course, this podcast came up in my feed after I finished Chapter 9: Grim Defeat. Boom, accept the things we cannot change.

Any of these Serenity Prayer encounters by themselves would probably have just rolled out of my brain unconsciously. The fact that they came right after each other in quick succession – specifically when I needed them – is amazing. THAT is synchronicity. While learning the lesson feels hard, and frustrating, the answer to the lesson is often presented to us at the same time if we just listen.

Let me hear from you. What frustrations are you encountering these days? Is there synchronicity that is happening in your life?

By Susan Sanders|2020-07-27T13:07:17-04:00July 29th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Responding to Frustration

Let’s talk about frustration. Ugh, I know – more feelings?! It cannot be helped – this topic found me. As an avid reader, I often use books as an escape, buffer, or avoidance tool. What better time to continue re-reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban than when I am supposed to be finding a new job?! This time through the books I am reading one chapter at a time and following each reading with the corresponding chapter from the Harry Potter and the Sacred Text (HPST) podcast. I wrote more about this in a post in late 2019.

So there I was, minding my own business reading about Sirius Black when the topic of frustration is introduced by HPST. Casper and Vanessa introduced the idea that perhaps there are different types of frustration. I can definitely cosign this hypothesis because I feel like I have encountered numerous instances of each type in the last few weeks. It is like once you are aware of something you see it everywhere. Remember synchronicity from last week? Let’s take a look at each type of frustration in turn, then see how synchronicity brought a solution as well!

Three Types of Frustration

Annoyance

These are the dumb little things that happen all day long that are a bother, but generally inconsequential. The example Casper uses in the HPST podcast is when the door sign reads, “Pull,” and he pushes. Annoying frustration. I do this ALL THE TIME, but I generally laugh because it makes me think of one of my favorite Far Side cartoons.

Source: www.2ndfirstlook.com

Here are a few annoyances that tend to be more frustrating than funny for me.

Bixby making up nonsense songs to the dog first thing in the morning.
Going to the garden shed in the back yard, but forgetting the key that is hanging in the house.
Learning a new online password tool and needing to update all of websites I visit.
Half of the Tupperware in our drawer not having matched lids.

Individually none of these items would cause a ripple in the day. They are just annoyances. Sort of like operational gnats in the functioning of my day. No big deal. Let’s look at the second type.

Injustice/Unfairness

Bixby and I have been on lock down since mid-March when COVID really took America by force. I am a rule follower and Bixby is a scientist and data nerd so we are heeding the science behind social distancing and masking up when we absolutely need to leave the house (i.e., to pick up groceries from curbside service). On the other hand, our teenagers seem to be COVID-denyers and decided to stay at their mom’s house for the duration of the pandemic (whatever that means). I have lots of feelings about this, but this isn’t even the frustrating part.

I was running a low grade fever for multiple days. Sore throat, crazy headaches, and intense fatigue? Check, check, and check. I registered online to get my drive through test at CVS and seethed at the injustice for the 2 days I had to wait for my appointment.

I am the one who cancelled by mom’s Celebration of Life because we were not supposed to gather in groups.
Yet, I see friends getting together for exercise, parties, and vacations.
I am the one who missed a visit with my nieces because social distancing was too much.
Yet, my kids are running amok with friends across NC and the surrounding states.

And I am the one who gets COVID?!

Please hear me – I would not wish this disease on anyone. My frustration is that I am following the rules and yet get sick anyway. It makes me want to stomp my feet and yell, “IT’S NOT FAIR!”

PS – COVID test is negative. Plain old summer virus for me. I am feeling much better and am back to exercise this week. It’s still frustrating though. Onto our third – and most challenging – type of frustration.

Invitations to Growth

Sweet Jesus, I do not want anymore character building. Most people would say I have enough character! My dad used to say, “If it won’t kill you, it will make you stronger. It’s that death part you have to worry about.” He was usually saying this as he was timing me in agility drills between summers of college basketball and I was sucking wind, bent over holding my knees between sets. At my former job, we sometimes referred to these as AFGOs (Another Fucking Growth Opportunity).

The problem with all of this is that it is all true – my character came from all those AFGOs I didn’t die from. But it is so painful to walk through. Frustration that leads to growth can often cause anger, interruptions to routine, and for me, tears.

I am married to a wonderful man (despite his made up songs while I want silence), but I sure did kiss a lot of frogs in my 20’s. When those relationships came to an end, I thought my heart was shattered forever. I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with me. While I don’t believe there is only one person for each of us, I do know Bixby is by FAR a better match than anyone before.

A great partner on the other side of years of dating frustration.

Pre-COVID when we used to go out to dinner.

But it was work to get to a point in my life where I wanted to be a good partner, not just to avoid being alone. I had to be a whole person going into a relationship, not just hoping someone would make up for my deficits.

So while all of these opportunities (and more) have come my way recently, the Universe also sends the solution my way. I am going to share what that was tomorrow so stay tuned!

_____

PS – I am aware of how, um, problematic JK Rowling has become. I 100% believe #TransLivesMatter and fully disagree with JK Rowlings views. I believe I am able to separate the author and her transphobic hate speech from the HP books. What I am a fan of today is the analysis that the HPST podcasters provide – more so than even the books themselves. You can read more about their perspective on JK Rowling’s abuse of her platform on HPST episode, “Owl Post Edition: J.K. Rowling and Transphobia with Jackson Bird” and on this written post.

By Susan Sanders|2020-07-27T13:00:22-04:00July 28th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Self-Soothing or Self-Care

When does self-care become self-soothing? The phrase “self-care” seems to have morphed into a catch phrase and punch line these days. Is a glass (or bottle) of wine after a tough day really self-care? Are you really taking good care of your colleagues by bringing a couple dozen donuts to the office? How is pending a holiday with your family knowing you have to spend 2 weeks holed up to recover from it self-care?

Distinction between self-soothing and self-care

Part of making the distinction between self-soothing and self-care is that self-care allows you space to be uncomfortable. I will even go so far as to suggest it forces you into choosing to sit in pain and discomfort. Let me give you an example.

Last week I got laid off. I knew it was coming and had been job searching. I had three rounds of interviews with two different companies. Although I was sad my job was ending, I was also confident that I would get one of the two I was interviewing for. I was so bold to start a mental pro and con list of which I would choose when I was offered both.

You see what’s coming, right?

Friday afternoon I got turned down for both jobs. I have never not gotten a job I have interviewed for – not in 46 years. Until Friday… when I lost both. Within an hour.

My first instinct was to jump on all of the job boards and apply for everything in a panic. My second instinct was to eat a whole box of Thin Mint cookies. Both of these fall squarely into the category of self-soothing. Taking action and covering my fear with sugar are often my go to strategies when I am fearful.

Luckily, I have learned that my first instinct in these situations is often wrong. Instead I opted for self-care, to sit in my discomfort for a bit. I hopped on a call with a circle of women I trust to talk it through and listen to their wisdom. Full disclosure – I did eat 6 cookies while on that call. I am not perfect.

Synchronicity

This morning as I sit here trying to figure out what to write on the blog, I am looking through some drafts of posts I started and never finished. And of course, there is one that talks about feeling fear and another about self-care vs. self-soothing. The universe is not subtle. The messages are there if we get quiet. I truly believe these messages are the reward for getting quiet and not numbing out. If I would have jumped into action or cookies, I would have missed the message. This is what Julia Cameron calls “synchronicity” in her book, “The Artist’s Way.”

Harry Potter and the Sacred Text

The “Harry Potter and the Sacred Text” podcast discussed Book 1, Chapter 9: The Midnight Duel from the theme of betrayal. Part of what they talked about was feeling that betrayal. Encouragement to feel the fear, the loneliness, the vulnerability.

This is not an intuitive thing for most of us in today’s world. Even the first time I typed that sentence I accidentally typed “fear the fear, the loneliness….” We want to not feel negative feelings. People tell us to snap out of it or cheer up!

But what if?

What if I sat with the fear that I had about being unemployed?
What if I just let myself feel lonely and rejected?
What if I cried and howled at how scared I am? How helpless I feel with a college tuition bill pending?

This is synchronicity. How could something recorded in 2016 know exactly what I needed to hear in 2020? Because I was ready to hear it. Synchronicity is everywhere when we slow down to allow ourselves to hear it and see it. If we continually soothe ourselves into not feeling our feelings, we muffle the messages the universe is trying to send our way. Let’s take care of the feelings instead of just smoothing over them.

Sorta Awesome Podcast

One of my favorite podcasts has touched on this self-care vs. self soothing a few times. The original Sorta Awesome episode that planted this seed in my awareness is actually a few years old. I recommend starting here.

As a follow up, Sorta Awesome did a holiday-specific episode in 2019 that discussed seven types of self-care around the holidays. One of the resources they reference is a book about rest. Only in America do we need to be taught how to rest. Sacred Rest is a book that we can all learn from and will definitely be one that I will return to, probably receiving different messages during various seasons in my life.

You can listen to this episode anywhere you get podcasts or directly from the Sorta Awesome website by clicking on the graphic above.

What about you, Dear Reader? How does self-soothing and self-care show up in your life?

By Susan Sanders|2020-07-20T18:29:40-04:00July 21st, 2020|Mental Well-being|1 Comment

Staying in Touch When You Can’t Be in Touch

Isolation is a harsh reality of the pandemic – not being able to stay in touch with those we are in relationships with. Mental Well-being is one of the pillars of Sustainable Productivity and relationships are important to positive mental well-being. Therefore, I have been trying to get creative about staying in touch with those I have meaningful relationships with even though we cannot actually BE in touch.

Research has proven that if a person has a few healthy relationships, she can reap some or all of these benefits:

Lower rates of anxiety and depression
Higher self-esteem
Greater empathy
Strengthened immune system, which may even lengthen your life

But what are we to do when we are living this catch-22. I cannot experience my relationships the same way because if I do, I may pass along a virus. But if I don’t continue relationships, I could end up sick of loneliness. You and I are not the only ones trying to solve this conundrum. The Lazy Genius recently discussed this in podcast episode 158: Staying in Touch When You Can’t Touch.

I want to share with you a way I have started to get creative about my relationship with my nieces. Usually June or July includes a week of Aunt Susan camp. I am visiting them or they come to NC – sometimes both in the same year. This is what it usually looks like:

Needless to say this is not happening this year.

Instead my sister and I got creative. As you know, I love to read. And I love to read to my nieces. Although they are turning a corner away from lap sitting story time, it still means a lot to me to connect with them this way. My sister and I set up an online book club where we all read together once a week. Bonus points for keeping them reading during the summer also!

Live footage from a recent meeting of our virtual book club.

Every Friday my sister and I schedule a FaceTime call, and the four of us take turns reading. Sometimes a meeting is crashed by either our husbands or our Black Labs. It is only a short session – 15 minutes at the most. But it is a dedicated time we spend together each week doing something we love. Although it is not a substitution for the in person visits we had to cancel this year, but it will do for now.

Instead of complaining about what we could not do, we are attempting to make the best of what we have.

How are you getting creative during COVID? Drop a note to share how you connect with loved ones from afar.

By Susan Sanders|2020-07-12T17:10:42-04:00July 14th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

3 Reasons to Let Go

As we develop sustainably productive habits, there is a need to flip the coin over to look at what we need to stop doing. To let go of what is not serving us physically, mentally, and environmentally means we make room for what we want to build in our lives.

Let’s be clear – letting go is hard. But we can do hard things. I am inspired by what Louise Smith has to say about it.

“You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are full of junk.”
Louise Smith

Today’s post will apply this idea to each of the three dimensions of sustainably productivity.

Physical

For many years I considered myself an endurance athlete. I raced in dozens of triathlons, half marathons and marathons. I am turtle slow, but they gave me a race bib so I call what I did racing. All the miles eventually caught up with me and running became unsustainable for my body. I had a few orthopedic surgeries. Then the doctor said if I wanted to be able to hike and walk the dog in my 80s I needed to stop running now in my 40s.

I cried right there in the office. I did not want to let go of running. Which is so ironic considering

1 – I am not good at it. See Team Turtle comment above.

2 – For years playing basketball, running was punishment.

3 – Running hurt.

But alas, love hurts, right? All the songs tell us that. But Tina Turner reminds us: What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Lucky for me I was in a place in life where I was making changes towards sustainable productivity. I knew that continuing to run was not something that would be productive for me long term. That surgeon knew exactly what button to push with me.

Yes – I do want to be able to get out in nature in my 80s (and beyond!). If I needed to leave my ego and my running shoes behind to do that, I was open to it.

Mental

Speaking of Tina Turner, have you ever been in a relationship you knew had run its course. You knew it was not good for you, but you just did not seem to leave it? We may not have an extreme version like Ike in our lives. But I bet we all have Ike-light relationships we are hanging on to because it’s hard to let go.

Do any of these sound familiar to you:

A friend who is always bashing her spouse and encourages stories about frustrations with your partner.
A coworker you go to lunch with regularly who has to “one up” everything you say.
A book club where you are the only one who actually reads the book and didn’t just come to drink wine.

Relationships can weigh heavily on our minds, drag down our spirits, and even negatively impact our physical health. After following 10,000 subjects for 12 years, a study found that compared to subjects in healthy relationships, those in negative relationships were at a greater risk for developing cardiac issues – including fatal heart attacks.

We need to let go of relationships that do not support who we are or who we want to be. This will make space for relationships that are sustainably productive. Maybe that relationship is with yourself.

What would happen if you ate lunch alone instead of with your needy colleague? You might read, listen to music or podcasts, or just sit and eat with no distractions. What if this is the break you needed to take your afternoons by storm. Could you finally make headway on that project that has been stalled?

What if you surround yourself with other women who cherish their partner? Sure they still have conflict in their relationships. But they have encouraging stories about how they worked through it because they had a partner who was worth it.

Without letting go of the relationships that are not working for you, you can’t make way for the ones that will serve you and sustain you.

Environmental

Decluttering is always popular and it seems like this quote applies most intuitively here. If you are hanging on to your literal junk, you cannot reach for anything new.

I have a section of my closet dedicated to my business suits. I no longer wear business suits. If I am honest, I probably no longer fit into said business suits, but am unsure because it’s been ~~15 pounds~~ 10 years since I tried.

But alas I cannot let go of these suits. As I have been cleaning out closets in our home, these suits have loomed large in my conscience. They seem to be waving at me (or flipping me the bird) when I go into my closet. I seem to be given them lots of power.

Instead of just fabric, for me they represent moments in my career where I felt strong and in flow:

Job interviews
TV segments
VIP presentations
Community lectures

I finally took down one suit over the weekend and channeled my inner Marie Kondo. As I took it off the hanger, I thought of all these moments of flow with fondness. I had a moment of Wizard of Oz type of clarity that the suit did not give me strength and flow to deliver on these occasions. It was in me all along. I am still here, the business suit was just a witness to it. And now it is time to allow it to witness for someone else. It is time for me to reach for something new. In order to do that I need to let go of these suits.

Now to be clear, I was still a little sad and still have about 10 more suits in the closet. But a start was made. That is all we need to do today is start.

What do you need to break off a little piece and let go of? Is there something in your life that you are holding tight that you might need to release? What if you just loosen the grip?

By Susan Sanders|2020-07-05T12:19:46-04:00July 7th, 2020|Environmental Surroundings, Health & Fitness, Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Eye of the Storm – Honor Yesterday You

Congratulations! You made it through another week! Let’s take break shall we? Last post in the Eye of the Storm series. Let’s get started.

Today we will continue the theme of honoring yesterday you. One of my favorite ways to represent this is flower bulbs. In the fall I take the bulbs from various places:

Bulbs I have ordered from various catalogues
Transplants I dug up from around the yard to move to a better location
Gifts I have received from friends and neighbors

I plant them in pots and spots all over the garden. And wait.

Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas… all come and go. And we wait.

Snow, ice, Valentine’s Day come and go. And we wait.

The weather finally breaks and smidges of green start to peek out. I have no idea what it is, but I know it is pretty. I know Yesterday Me set up this moment of beauty for me to rest in.

This tough season will pass and brighter days are ahead. Maybe there is something you can do today as a gift for Future You. I am not talking about pushing harder today to get more accomplished for tomorrow.

What if Today You could say no to something today that would benefit Future You? If you are not sure where to start, I would love to help you. Download this Sustainability Checklist to help you figure out what is serving you or draining you.

By Susan Sanders|2020-06-22T14:27:24-04:00June 23rd, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Quick Sustainable Productivity PSA

I know some of you are planners like me. I want to give a quick little PSA about sustainable productivity as we head into the weekend. Let me share a little story about last weekend.

All I wanted to do was set up the tripod and try to capture a few good snaps of the hummingbirds that visit our feeder. I was the first one awake so it was deafeningly quiet. It was a little chilly so I put on my hoodie. It was day 93 in quarantine so naturally I went outside in my pajamas. I was ready for peace and quiet…

Let’s just say Lucille’s agenda was verrrrrrry different from mine. She wanted to play ALL OF THE FETCH.

If you zoom in you can see the muddy slobber on my pajama pants from where she insisted she return the ball to my lap.

I never really got a great shot of the hummingbirds, but it was fun to watch Lucille tear around the yard living her best life. She doesn’t know that “Hummingbird Photo” has been on my to do list for 3 years. What if we listen to Lucille’s Life Lesson and had such a blatant disregard for our to do lists that we just ran amok mindlessly in love with life?

Doesn’t that sound much better than the daily grind? Sure we all have adult responsibilities, but if something has been on your list for YEARS, is it really worth getting bent out of shape about? Let’s take a minute to consider this over the weekend. If you are brave enough – cross something off that list without doing it. “Delegate to the floor” as they say in corporate America.

If you are not sure what to delegate to the floor, I invite you to download the Sustainability Checklist to see if it might shake loose some ideas for you.

By Susan Sanders|2020-06-19T17:35:08-04:00June 19th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

It’s My Birthday Week – Let’s Celebrate!

No one loves to celebrate their birthday more than I do.

Not 1 year olds getting to taste cake for the first time.
Not 6 year old princesses having a pink-everything party.
Not 21 year olds getting to consume alcohol legally.

Young Susan on what might have been a birthday celebration, pictured with Grandpa.

I am grateful to be alive, and I celebrate the whole month. I started this in my 20’s because when you have a job and all, it is a lot of pressure to put on one specific day. I cannot ask my vendors to avoid pulling a contract on June 20. Have you ever tried to ask someone to not rear end your car 5 minutes ago because it is your birthday? So I celebrate the whole month of June with my favorite treats and small gifts I buy for myself (garden Sasquatch anyone?!). I make sure I enjoy my birthday to fullest.

My People, on the other hand, do not. The kids are teenagers and it confounds them I exist most days – forget about remembering my birthday. If it were up to Bixby, I would tell him what to buy me, then I would accept said box from the Amazon delivery man and be on my way. Don’t laugh – that is literally what happened this year.

Me to Bixby on a Monday: I have decided what I want for my birthday. A bubbly drink at home maker thing.

Bixby: {quizzical look}

Me: Some brands I have seen are XYZ and Soda Stream.

Bixby: {leaves to go do research}

He is a man of few words, but he does love to make me happy. In 10 minutes I had an email with his analysis of each, including links to order. He was back in my office asking which I wanted.

It took me a few more days to reach a decision, but I finally picked one. Bixby immediately placed the order, and the creepy Amazon van delivered it. {Is it just me that thinks of The Handmaid’s Tale vans when you see those vans crawling around all the neighborhoods?} I was set up and in ~~business~~ bubbles in less than 5 minutes.

These are a few of my favorite things – a book, a journal, a nice pen, sunshine out the window…and BUBBLES!

There are a few reasons why this is such a great gift for where I am in my life these days.

Saving Money

I drink a lot (I mean A LOT) of carbonated water. Lacroix and plain club soda are my jam these days. The Soda Stream takes water from our fridge and turns it into a cold, bubbly treat – eliminating the need to buy Lacroix and club soda. I cannot quite bring myself to calculate the savings because that would mean admitting how much I was spending on said Lacroix and club soda.

Bonus – since grocery shopping has been wonky with the pandemic, often my grocery store has been out of both Lacroix and club soda. Having the Soda Stream operate straight from the fridge water means we never run out!

Reducing Plastic

Although “sustainable” on this blog refers to personal energy, I think I tend to be a little crunchier than the average North Carolinian. As we have already discussed, I consume A LOT of Lacroix and club soda. I was not excited about the amount of plastic that I was using. Sure we recycle, but we all should be brutally aware of how little that really does for the Earth. What if we did not consume plastic at all? Soda Stream allows me to use the same 3 bottles repeatedly. They are BPA free so I am not polluting my body by reusing plastic.

It Is Delicious

I hesitated a few days before having Bixby pull the trigger because I was worried I would not like the taste. I was specifically worried about it not being fizzy enough. I love me some fizz. But Soda Stream has a “Monster Fizz” option that we run it on, and it does NOT disappoint. It actually is more carbonated than what I was drinking before. Which leads to my last feature…

Advanced Level Crunchy

Soda Stream gets its bubbles from the CO2 cartridges. To be a little more environmentally friendly, these can be exchanged at local stores or directly with the company. In my research, I found an even better option! Now that we have confirmation that I love to make my club soda at home, we will be purchasing a CO2 tank from our local home beer brewing store and hooking it into the Soda Stream. The cost analysis in the article I found is remarkable. Bonus is my science geek spouse finally has a fun project on his Honey Do List.

It is a gift for everyone on my birthday!

PS – As much as I love to get presents, I also love to give presents. I am not great at it like my sister is, but I try hard. I am going to be opening a small shop on the website in the coming weeks. The first item that will go up will be stationery with beautiful photos and inspirational quotes. You will be the first to see when it is live so check back often!

PPS – This is not a paid endorsement. We paid for our Soda Stream. I am a fan, not a salesperson. No affiliate links.

By Susan Sanders|2020-06-16T21:01:01-04:00June 16th, 2020|Environmental Surroundings|2 Comments

New Growth

The world seems like a whole new place from when we gathered last week, doesn’t it?

Except it isn’t. Not for our Black friends and family. Black people have been painfully aware of America’s racism. They have been trying to tell us. We just have not listened.

For white people in America, we are having some growing pains. It feels tender, raw and scary, like most new growth is. Are we going to get it right all of the time? Nope. But that is ok because that means we are trying new things. Trust me – as a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser, I understand the fear. Take action anyway. It is better to take action, get it wrong, apologize, and course correct than to sit by doing what we always do.

Tender New Growth

I have a lime tree growing on my deck. When we moved it outside, it was a stark, ugly stick with just a few branches of leaves jutting out the bottom of it. I pruned what I knew to be dead wood and then sat back and watched over the next couple weeks. It was hard to look at that ugly little stick. I wanted things to look a certain way and be the perfect little gardener. I wanted it to magically be the way I want, but that is not how Nature works.

Instead I took small steps that seemed insanely inadequate.

I watered regularly.
I added compost.
I observed.

If I were a better gardener I may have had citrus fertilizer on hand, but I didn’t. In another time, I would have gone to buy some, but it is not essential. I did not do this perfectly.

And yet.

This week, each node is sprouting little tender growth. The way of Nature is to reward small steps. Small efforts.

New growth on the nodes of our lime tree.

If you are looking for some solid action steps to take, I would like to offer some suggestions.

Action Steps

Donate to Black Lives Matter. Forget your time and supplies, it takes 90 seconds to Venmo some money. Trust the leaders in your community know where the biggest need is. Here is the donation link to donate money in my area if you are too busy to search for your area. Note: If you are too busy to search, I wonder if that would still be the case if it were your child who was murdered in the street.

Join the Black Lives Matter Facebook page for your area. Then shut your mouth and really listen to what people are asking of you. This is not the time for white people to stand up and tell the world how Black people have been persecuted. Our job as white people is to make it safe for Black people to tell their story. In my area this looks like being a barrier between Black people and police at protests. In Denver, CO police are targeting medics at the rallies so a friend of mine is coordinating protection for the medics.
- Personally, I am not attending protests yet because I am a COVID 19 high risk group. I am not asking you to protest. I am asking you to look at something on Facebook besides cat videos.
Check on your Black friends. This is not to ask them how you can help. You are not reaching out to help you help. You are just pulling up along side them to observe.
If you don’t have Black friends, have a frank conversation with yourself about why not. Then start to get educated on the Black experience. Here are some suggestions that Black leaders on social media have suggested (Translation: This is not White Sue telling you; this is what “amplifying Black voices means”):
- Watch Just Mercy, a movie based a book by the same name. It chronicles the civil rights work of attorney Bryan Stevenson. It is FREE to watch for anyone. If you can read this post, you can watch Just Mercy.
- Listen to 1619, a podcast series by the New York Times. It “aims to reframe the country’s history by placing the consequences of slavery and the contributions of Black Americans at the very center of our national narrative.”
- Read How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi. Amazon is sold out of the book, but buy the Kindle version and read it on your phone. Sure it is not ideal, but stop letting being uncomfortable get in your way. Do you think it is comfortable to die in public with a 200 pound man kneeling on your neck?
Let go of your white guilt. By lamenting that you just did not understand before, you are still making it about you and white people. Action speaks louder than words. Now that you are aware, don’t let the sun go down on one more day without you acting like an ally. Sitting by and doing nothing is no longer sustainable for our world.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” —Maya Angelou

Accountability

If you need accountability to keep going, there are Facebook pages you can join or please consider me your accountability buddy. Check back here to tell me what actions you are taking. Go to my Facebook or Instagram and let’s start a thread there to inspire others who can’t decide on their next right thing.

By Susan Sanders|2020-07-08T10:53:46-04:00June 9th, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

Eye of the Storm: A Time to Rest

The world is exhausting for me right now. How about you? I am tired. I need to rest. And it is only Tuesday…

Last Friday after reading the headlines and a short scroll through Facebook, it was just overwhelming. No matter what the topic, it was seething with hate from both sides:

Racism
Pandemic
Politics
Economy
Unemployment

The fact that it had rained for 10 of the last 13 days did not help.

So I went to back to bed after breakfast. It was too much. I had to start my day over again after staring at the wall for quite some time.

It helped, but that is not a sustainable plan. As a general rule, I cannot just throw out my calendar and go to bed. One of the interesting things is that “doing nothing” can be incredibly exhausting. There is a lot of science behind this that we will get into later, but here is a great summary. It can be crazy making, but don’t gaslight yourself if you are doing less and feeling it more.

Let’s keep it simple. Back to the basics!

Sustainable Productivity suggests the basics are split into three categories:

Health and Fitness
Mental Well-being
Physical Surroundings

In case you have been on the struggle bus along with me, I thought I would share a few tips that I found helpful. This weekend here are a few things I did this weekend to manage my heebie-jeebies.

Health and Fitness

1 – Get outside

Anytime spent in nature is therapeutic for me. What this looked like this weekend was reading on the porch, crafting on the porch, eating meals on the porch… See a theme?

2 – Sweat equity

Getting my sweat on clears my head and calms me down. These days that looks mostly like time on my road bike.

Mental Well-being

1 – Meditation

NO! KEEP READING! This is sitting quietly and trying to clear my brain. I have no special clothes and I don’t sit cross legged on the floor. I don’t have music or incense. I fight monkey mind and breathe. For 12 minutes.

2 – Hobbies

I am mainly focusing on reading and crafting right now for my hobbies. I had a hard time reading at the start of quarantine, but have found some great reads lately. Also, by using the supplies that I already had around the house for crafting, I have been able to tackle some projects that have been on my to do list for quite some time.

Physical Environment

1 – Clutter

This weekend I put away some glasses that we love and represent fond memories, but we don’t use on a daily basis. I have been putting off dusting because I am SO TIRED of moving these glasses. When I packed them up, it created empty space that brought so much more joy that I had expected!

2 – Digital garbage

Google has been flashing a warning at me for MONTHS to clear out files or buy more storage. I finally sat down and did some clean up. I deleted almost 15 GB of digital clutter from Gmail and Google Drive. Not only did it free up time, but saved me money!

Your turn – where can you make some changes to create a more sustainable life? You might have an overall feeling of blah, but don’t know what is causing it. If this is you, I would like to invite you to use the Sustainability Checklist for a few days to help identify what is and is not working for you.

You can also join me on Facebook to chat more in a group. You are not alone. We can do hard things!

By Susan Sanders|2020-06-19T16:50:12-04:00June 2nd, 2020|Mental Well-being|0 Comments

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