I have gotten quite a bit of feedback from the Coping Skills podcast episode that dropped earlier in July. It was definitely an episode that I was nervous to put out in the world because I am such a people pleaser. I was afraid that I would hurt the feelings of those who have known me for a long time and might not know some of this stuff.
I was also afraid of “telling secrets” to those who don’t know me as well. But remember the question to ask a people pleaser:
Where are all the pleased people?
Now I like to say I am a recovering people pleaser. I lived as a people pleaser for as long as it was working for me. It was a coping skill and honestly, it worked.
Until it did not work. When your coping skills cause more pain that they prevent, it is time to do something different. I love this quote from Peggy Cahn, “It’s quite uncomfortable to be an adolescent at the age of 32.”
Samesies, Peggy. Samesies.
This is not to say its all beer and Skittles, as the saying goes. As I have improved my coping skills, shed some unhealthy responses, and generally stopped (ok, cut down) on my dancing monkey personality, not everyone loves it.
But those are not my people. And that is ok. I am not for everyone, truly. Most days I acknowledge that and don’t mind. Because by not being for everyone, I can make space for those who I am enough for.
I wonder if this might ring true to you? Is there someone in your life that you keep trying and trying to connect with because it seems like you “should?” Are friendships changing as you or your kids get older? Do you miss a relationship that got away from you during a period of your life that was survival mode?
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